Sometimes I reckon I am a comic simply because I only sleep on Sundays and power through the rest of the week high strung and delirious (speed talking is one of my skills). Or because I am extremely talented in impersonating forest animals. But really, my hilarity originates in the fact that the affairs I find myself engaging in in my everyday are hysterically amusing and would probably never happen in any other part of the world. At least once a day, many times more, things happen which make me mutter (and sometimes holler) ‘Only In Taiwan’.. or OIT as we’ve abbreviated (xie xie Will). If you live abroad, no doubt you can relate. Do not mistake these tales for ignorance, I am actually extremely cultured, but even so I am slightly naive, I have a rather short temper, and I make fun of unfortunate foreigner happenings. JUST FOR LAUGHS.
These cultural accounts, past, present, and future, will keep you amused with an array of easy readings and effortless laughs to brighten your day, whether it is snickering at me or chuckling with me, I promise to impress. I’ll update often.
Sunday January 31st 2010
Only in Taiwan would you find…
- A two headed turtle
- A… ??????
- Again, I don’t know…
- A shoddy hiking path (this would NEVER be allowed in Canada!)
Tuesday January 5th 2010
- Only in Taiwan do you lose your purse in a bar for a whole night and find it at the end with the contents still intact. No one steals here, man.
- Only in Taiwan do you get pulled over and when the officer sees that you’re a foreigner, he smiles and waves you on (if that doesn’t work, grabbing your crotch in a desperate plee for pee always makes someone uncomfortable).
- A sidewalk is really just another lane. Only in Taiwan..
Tuesday December 1st 2009
- Only in Taiwan do you walk into a nightclub and get screened for H1N1.
Tuesday November 17th 2009
- Our internet got shut off for non payment so I called HiNet and told them I was in H1N1 quarantine so they turned it back on. Only in Taiwan would this fly.
- In Taiwan, you must squeegee the whole bathroom after every shower (Hate, I ask Audrey to do it every time!).
Monday November 16th, 2009
- Only in Taiwan do you get the flu and your Taiwanese friend brings you Big Blue Dragon Tea prepared by her dad.
Saturday November 14th, 2009
- I wore cat ears out shopping on Halloween and was STARED at, but a Taiwanese girl wears cat ears and a horse tail in the middle of July and it’s totally normal? Only in Taiwan…
- Even after I made the mob aggro and they glued my ignition shut, my parked scooter still manages to get stolen.
- You know it’s time to chase the garbage truck with 4 bags of garbage when you hear Beethoven’s Fur Elise from three blocks away louder than your TV, music, louder than your everything… Only in Taiwan.
- I ate a chicken heart instead of cake on my birthday. Only in Taiwan.
Wednesday November 4th, 2009
- I left my keys in my scooter all day last Saturday, for the third time, and it was still there upon my return. Only in Taiwan…
- I was picking up dinner at my local food stall area, and a Taiwanese man excitedly approached me to gawk. He was SO THRILLED to be talking to a pretty white girl, trying so hard. He was chewing betel nut. I was watching him yak on, red saliva swishing between his red teeth and lips. I knew it was going to happen. Then it did. Red betel nutty spit launched from his mouth right onto my cheek. He RAN away, obviously humiliated. I stood on, shocked. Only in Taiwan..
- I pissed off the Taiwanese mob and to get revenge (or to regain ‘face’), they glued my (and Audrey’s) scooter ignition. Only in Taiwan…
- I was cast in a computer commercial. I wore a pleather catsuit and was suspended from the ceiling by a rope (think Mission Impossible). Sex sells even computers. Only in Taiwan…
